More of a flexible friend than your credit card

In the heavens and the earth there are certainly signs for the believers. And in your creation and all the creatures He has scattered about there are signs for people with certainty.
(Surat al-Jathiyah: 3-4)

Now this reflective blog is more far behind than I had planned. I am reflecting on aspects of late April. This is due to not having time to blog frequently enough and I know I must speed up my posting. I have had a month gap!

So late April, and I was due to see my chiropractor to maintain my spine, as I have no pain or back problems. So why bother for a 15 minute manipulation for £26? I know for myself I value my spine in it's physical context. I have yet to develop my spine in it's emotional context. In fact spiritual backbone is quite an enigmatic concept for me. I was fascinated to read an internet article about finding a suitable partner with 'backbone' (and integrity).

"The man with backbone will find ways to solve difficult problems and not walk away from them or take an easier route. He'll treat the women in his life not as sexual objects but as fellow human beings who God loves and cares for. He will not try to dominate conversations with others but rather allow room for others' opinions even if he disagrees. He will be diligent in his spiritual disciplines such as Bible study and prayer, and his faith would be an important part of his dating relationships."

Well, I had to smile, that is just a bit of it. It also goes on to paint a picture of an ideal partner or person to look for. This blueprint of an ideal man with spiritual backbone is just fascinating for me. I don't think I actually agree with some of the components of a good Christian as described because he sounds a bit inflexible for a spine. However, if God is telling me to reflect on backbone in lieu of developing it for myself, then I ought to be open to what it may be.

I also found out that Susan Boyle said that Faith ‘is the backbone of who I am’. No point in thinking I am cleverer than someone with learning difficulties here. It looks as if the concept of backbone is known and lived by her. She uttered these words when interviewed about her life, which has been a hard and touching journey culminating in her success on the Britain's Got Talent Show with her subsequent fame and popularity. The songs that she covers are haunting really and display a wisdom in her singing for which there are no words to explain.

Spiritual or emotional backbone must be then both a standard to reach for, and a knowledge of the heart from faith. Can one have spiritual backbone without faith? I am still pondering that. I hope that developing some spiritual backbone will strengthen me. The process of manipulation makes me wince and feel afraid, but afterwards life is GOOD!

Deus caritas est

I learnt something recently that made a lot of difference to my whole perspective on life. The word 'charity' has in fact two real meaningful meanings!
In a modern context it refers to benevolent giving and is used as a noun and verb to express this.
However, charity is also one of the 'seven heavenly virtues' which are the righteous alternatives to the 'seven deadly sins'. Should I have been a nineteenth century maiden I would have known all about it, but as God chose to make me in the here and now I have just realised.
Charity represents loving-kindness in the Christian theological sense. It is the agape of the eros - philos - agape triangle. I had agape down as 'God's love' but thought this was like God loves you as a fact without the 'how'! This 'Charity' refers to the ultimate perfection of the human spirit, as it both glorifies and reflects God's nature. It is selfless and alturistic.

One can be forgiven for mistaking the word love as having multiple meanings and contexts in the English language. So to be clear the 'love' to which I am referring is the selfless love which is infused into you from God. This used to be called 'charity' in the past.

This type of love curls around your will and guides it. It is the non-messy doing and being. It is the expression of God's love to another man whether friend or enemy.

Take the phrase 'God is love' or in Latin 'Deus Caritas est'. This is the love that represents God's care. Caritas is best translated as charity: alturistic love.

I have been privileged as a nurse to meet many alturistic people. I work as a research nurse and have to enrol patients onto clinical trials. More often that not, the trials cannot offer or cannot guarantee to offer any personal benefit to the participant. However, they are a small part of a bigger picture. Participation leads to greater knowledge on a certain subject or problem which will be information to benefit future generations. Many willing volunteers into clinical trials suffer extra uncomfortable procedures in addition to the illness they are being treated for as a result of taking part. Don't get me wrong, all the research performed in the NHS is strictly controlled by ethical criteria. It's my job to protect patients as well as enrol them. I am always impressed by the person who volunteers willingly despite their own pain and suffering. For every person that does however, there are also those who decline 'I'm not interested', 'I can't be bothered with that'

When I worked with melanoma patients in my previous job, many patients were more than willing to donate their skin. This required small amounts of skin being surgically excised - an extra and uncomfortable process. You may not know that melanoma is a cancer agressive and fast acting, and tends to be underestimated. Many of the patients donated small pieces of their skin on several occasions to help solve the killer riddle. As yet we have no cure for this type of skin cancer, but I know that at Guy's and St Thomas' they are pulling out all the stops to work out how. I know how much the scientists and patients are trying to work it out. Both are up and down in many different ways, but will travel along this road with determination and...love, that charitable love I'm trying to explain.

In chapter 13 of 1 Corinthians, in the King James version it says;

'Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.'

In the New International version it replaces the word charity with the word love. I have for a long time considered that this was a reflection of how love was to be. To understand the word charity in the theological context like this helps me understand more about the how than the what and of what God's love actually is. I am indeed grateful for this revelation.

Spring Meditation - Conclusion

It happened softly...bump, I was there finally at the sea bed at just over four miles below sea level. Amazing. Despite shaking I was full of sickening wonder. My caplight seemed to be dimming as I peered around about me. The drones were vague blobs of darkness against the backdrop. None seemed near. I was here, in this strange place where few had ventured. I was here by myself.




Well, now I was finally in this place, I thought that I should sit down. The sea floor was much harder than I anticipated and the lack of mud and silt was surprising. I thought to myself that it was like soft rock. And so I sat.
It was almost immediately that I noticed something that I could hardly make out. What was that in the near distance about 9 metres in front of me?

I thought for a moment that I could see movement, but then, no not movement but familiar shapes instead. Shapes of...human bodies...in a pile? I glanced about for my drones. They were nowhere near, in fact I could not see them. This pile of bodies in front of me, it could not be drones because these beings had hair and faces and pale flesh reflecting in the unnatural glow of my caplight.

I stood, unsure, yet captivated, and ambled unsteadily toward what I saw. As I drew nearer I noticed the bodies looked muscular and bulky. It was inexplicable that in such an undersea pressure these bodies were not crushed or affected in any way. Confusion and disorientation suddenly overwhelmed me and I cried out in my tomblike headpiece. The only person hearing this inhuman sounding screech was human me.



I was unable to move further and remained rooted to the spot just 1 metre in front of this impossible vision. My scalp prickled as a face of a body lying on top turned to look at me. He rose up quickly and stood or stooped in front of me. I saw him there looking at me with an expression of agression. Then, equally as bizarrely I heard him speak and saw him move his lips.

'he took the flesh and left our souls, because without our flesh we were diminished and buried'

Unable to make any sense whatsoever of these words or this situation, I was highly alarmed to see the other bodies slowly rising. Their hair and clothing flapped in slow motion with the unseen undersea currents.

I involuntarily backed up although gloom seemed to be around me at all sides. I saw nothing save the bodies standing or stooping purposefully in front of me.

It was only then that I noticed these walking, floating corpses had numbers on their clothing. Like big numerials on t-shirts and figures on the thighs of the trousers.

I think in my terror that I may have half screamed my plea 'God help me', which hurt my own ears. 'Help me, help me, help me'

I began to long to be at home safe in my cabin and cushioned safely into my breathing space. I closed my eyes and imagined it.

When I opened them again something was different. The bodies had their hands outstretched crying soundlessly out the same words 'God help me...help me, help me, help me' A look of anxious agression wracked every face. The silence belied the action causing me to wonder yet again what was happening.

Then, as if nothing more strange could then occur, a golden glow began pervading the scene in front of me. The glow started with them, but continued outwards, outwards and I looked out around at it as it surrounded them and I.

All at once, the light flickered and what I can only describe as twinkled or sparkled.

It was quite beautiful and I felt lost and surrounded by it. I was soon reminded of how far I was from anyone though when my phenosuit commenced an emergency bleeping. I looked at the display to note with greater alarm that the air remaining was insufficient to continue life.

It took me a few moments only to acknowledge my impending death. I would in fact never return to the surface to recount this experience to a living soul. However, despite this awareness I felt light and untroubled. My vision clouded and as my last minutes ticked by I felt the pressure increasing and starting to crush my body. I was relieved to finally slip from consciousness just prior to feeling any pain.

This was the start of my calling which I had waited all my life for.

Spring Meditation - late April

It's my 70th birthday and today I am deep sea diving to 4 miles. As I climb into my new phenosuit, I reflect on how amazing things are these days; trip to the sun, teleportation and volcanic power cells - all science fiction to me not so long ago.
As I jump into the icy water I have no visibilty into the depth of water. One last gasp of atmostpheric air and I commence the submergence. My suit is working perfectly and I am unafraid really as the caplight ignites for me. Visibility is still reduced, it will take some time for my surroundings to emerge, well I hope so anyway.
Down I go, down, down.




Still nothing to see really. I have been sinking now for...how long? My dive buddies are all mechanical today so no fellow human being to share this experience with. Still, it is probably safer to dive with the seadevil drones anyway.
How far can I see now? I reckon visibility is about 2 metres now. I am at..tap tap... 2.5 miles down apparently. It has been about 2 and a half hours to get here? I am feeling slightly cold, perhaps my suit is not working. I had better get a drone to check it.
I gesture to the nearest green buddy...but, what's this? I gesture again, no reply or response? That's odd, I can see him, why can't he see me? I try again...still no response. I'm sure he is looking my way.



A small shard of panic creeps in. I do feel cold now, and start to either shiver or tremble. The thought that things may go badly makes me consider aborting my adventure and ascending back up. If those drones are going to ignore me I will have to ascend on my own which could be dangerous in itself.
Just as I am considering my situation, a purple drone turns and check-gestures my position. I quickly wave in a 'help' way and three of them approach in the gloom. Thank goodness for that. I am able to communicate my predicament and purple clicks my suit. Warmth starts to return. However, a strange chill which has nothing to do with temperature seems to remain.

It has been 3 hours and 55 minutes and so we are nearly the full 4 miles down. Soon I will see the ocean floor of the great north sea. I can't seem to stop shaking, which means that my experience is not as enjoyable as it could be. The drones have gestured that there is no suit malfunction so it is just me, the human, feeling fear perhaps. This fear is very strange though. I'm not used to having this sensation.

Healing and self esteem issues

I came across this article online as drawn by the Lord, and have spent a lot of time pondering suffering, healing and self esteem.

Link address is:

http://www.depression-and-anxiety-recovery.com/low_self_esteem.html

I know that this is something crucial in understanding how to reach people. May be in some ways I have done this many times in my job. I can see myself walking toward this as a calling. As some things come into focus, other things strike me blind. I am still thinking this over but wanted to make a post in case anyone out there has greater wisdom. Quite likely! Will there be anyone reading this tho?

Method of Convocation?

Did I happen to sound jaded about group altar calls? Shame on me. The Lord has drawn me to a real life story that brought a smile to my face.
Last Easter, when I was busy being confirmed, the Bay Area Fellowship in Corpus Christi, Texas, United States were giving away prizes in a bid to boost congregation numbers. The prizes were 16 free cars and millions of pounds worth of other prizes, like bicycles, laptop computors and vouchers for a chiropractic exam, baseball tickets, gym membership and a stay for the dog at a dog hotel.
The church normally has a weekly attendance of 7,000, but the well advertised service drew in 23,500 attendees on Easter Day. (Must be a big place) During the service the gifts were given out to lucky winners chosen at random in the congregation.
Naturally this method of boosting the numbers attracted criticism and condemnation. Especially after the enterprise gained widespread media attention.
Bay Area Lead Pastor Bill Cornelius defended this practice by claiming the prizes were a metaphor for getting into heaven. 'I want to make sure you get the ultimate giveaway' he said to the crowd 'a ticket to heaven. We have some really nice stuff to give away. But I hate to break it to you - none of this is going to last. Heaven is forever.'
The church claimed that hundreds of people took Jesus into their heart that day. The only thing they could 'really take with them.'

I have pondered this method for some time and have marvelled at the quantity and cost of the items collected to give away. All gifts came from the congregation. Cornelius said 'I'm very proud of our people for being so incredibly generous and willing to do anything it takes to get spiritually lost people through the door to hear about the love of God'

Well, I found it easy to think how crazy America can be, but also how bold and outrageous a scheme is that? Could Rochester Cathedral undertake such a plan?
How also do we know this was a holy spirit driven exercise and not one to embrace consumerism and materialism? Well, firstly, they seemed to collect an unfeasible amount of prizes. Secondly the church is 12 years old in Bay Area. They began with 5 people. Something genuine seems to be happening, notwithstanding the fact that I feel The Lord Himself is showing me this.

Lastly, that group of outcasts called materialistic consumers is one group of sinners that I belong to myself. Many of us do, don't we. Have I sold my house and assets and given everything to the church? Er, no, not yet!
How many people attend church on a Sunday and how many go to Bluewater shopping centre? How do we get the shoppers to hear the Good News? An ultimate giveaway has to be better than a bargain. How may these people be reached if not in this unconventional way.

A miracle unfolds

I have recently found myself almost forced to reflect on one of Jesus' miracles, as it is described in Mark 7:31-37. I admit that I prefer to reflect on parables.
I am interested in healing, but miraculous cures? I suppose that I have always accepted that the miracles of Jesus are beyond explanation and my understanding and left it at that. According to the Archbishop of Canterbury, Rowan Williams, the Bible is not 'an inspired supernatural guide for individual conduct or a piece of detached historical record'. In a lecture of his that I have read recently he goes on to say that the context of the Bible is to call together and incorporate a Christian community. So I feel precarious in reflecting here as I do.

The miracle is performed during the first or Galilean part of Jesus' ministry, when the vast majority of His miracles were documented and we are led to believe were actually performed. The afflicted man was brought to Jesus by friends or relatives as so often happened. Jesus then took the man away from the crowd to somewhere private and some disciples were with him. The afflicted man was a deaf man, hardly able to speak. Jesus put his fingers into the man's ears then spat or put saliva on his fingers and touched the man's tongue. He looked to heaven and groaned or sighed. He then spoke the word 'Ephphatha' interpreted as 'be opened'. Mark then declares that he was able to speak plainly implying that he was cured. Jesus then urged the man and the disciples with him not to tell everyone what had happened.

There are three things about this story which particularly fascinate me at present..Firstly that Jesus uses his saliva, secondly that he takes trouble to keep the miracle a secret and thirdly that he 'looks at heaven' before the cure is commanded.

I have read somewhere that the act of using saliva was to moisten the mouth of a man whose mouth was dry due to the heat of the day and through dissent of attempts to speak. However, just before He uses saliva, He puts His fingers into the man's ears. Now I put my fingers in my ears when I don't want to hear. So fascinated though I am by this process, I have to accept that Jesus did not offer olive oil at the last supper to represent his saliva. Although oil is used to anoint. I also understand that to use touch to reach out to someone who could neither hear nor speak was a sensitive act of engagement in itself. Then of course he cured him completely as well.

The attempt to keep this miraculous act a secret was I suppose not to appear as a travelling magician and distract from The Good News. However, the story of what happens appears in Mark's gospel. Is it then ok to know of it now? In fact numerous have had the opportunity to read or hear about what happened and many other miracles that Jesus asked to be kept secret. I can only assume that it is allowed to be meaningful now to us, with our very lucky hindsight.

The most significant aspect of the story which I am challenged by is when Jesus 'looks to heaven' before giving the curative command. This can be interpreted as looking up at the sky, but I believe that for Jesus to look at heaven whilst on earth is so much more. My limited explanation is that he 'saw' God and the angels in their place with His inner eye and shut the ungodly worldy part out. Much in the same way that we ourselves SEE or HEAR the truth of the Good News (if we do!) Perhaps this then would clarify the act of putting fingers in ears. It could have been representative of shutting out the world, to facilitate a channel for God to reach him.

I am sorry if my thoughts sound like meaningless pontification. I do not expect to be performing a curative miracle on anybody, even though I feel it may be an ultimate goal of faith. In my limited way I hope that I may too approach the afflicted with the same consideration and certainty to help them. How blessed I feel also to be born of this time in a world where I may access and read the Bible when so many cannot read or observe or have observed the oral tradition, sometimes in a foreign language. How blessed I am to have the internet to assist my reflection and share it. And may I also be able to 'look at heaven' when I am called to do work for God. (Amen)

In Luke 7:36-39, I have read the story of the woman who wept on the feet of Jesus, dried it with her hair, then anointed His feet with perfume.
Why would she dry his feet with her hair?
If she could afford or obtain perfume, then why not also some sort of cloth or towel as well?
I should imagine trying to dry something with your hair is pretty inefficient, so I have spent some time trying to understand, because random things come up for me to reflect upon! What is the cultural idiom? In John 12 v.3, one of the Mary's also anoints the feet of Jesus and wipes his feet with her hair. This is following the miracle of raising Lazarus from the dead and this Mary may be his sister..
Perhaps then, it isn't that a cloth is lacking, it isn't wanted perhaps. Using hair to dry feet is...an affectionate act? I recently learnt that due to Jewish Law, it is unlikely that Jesus had long hair, because the women had long hair and the men cut their hair at the back. So if women had long hair, then long hair was representative of femininity.
Keen to dig deeper, I may have flown off at a tangent studying information on the internet regarding biblical euphemisms and the significance of hair and feet in the Bible. I found it quite fascinating, but then felt that no new information was relevant. I did see the justification for Simon the Pharisee to be outraged at the unknown woman's actions as it could be contrued as a highly suggestive act. However, this woman wept, and Jesus defended her, speaking of debt of sin and repentance.
When Mary did the same, this was seen as an affectionate thanks, but the unknown woman had taken the step of approaching Jesus amongst a group of other men at the dinner party of a respected religious man to make this approach that could be construed as, well, inappropriate. But of course, something was more important.
Ding! This woman heard the call, and nothing else mattered. I know in the future that I may reflect again on this gesture of loving repentance which came before the crucifiction. At present I see this person acting because she heard and understood the proclamation of The Word given by Jesus at this time. In a modern context, it is one thing to believe, or even to say 'maybe' like an agnostic, but to feel called by God to say sorry and really mean it out of deep love. That is the step that a person should make to start their relationship with God.
May be that sounds obvious, but this woman represents a calling from God that touched the heart, rather than brainwashing mob mentality of mass evangelism with an altar call or collapse with a forehead touch.

Irregular Religious Idiot

http://www.last.fm/music/John+Lennon/_/Imagine



"Are you religious?!" asked my guest, mouth open. I found myself replying "Yes, I'm religious" although the word 'religious' is one I never use to describe myself. I think I know what the person meant by their question, and that the word 'religious' was used as a very general polite term. I wasn't asked ' Are you one of those pain-in-the-butt Christians?'
I remember the day I was asked very clearly and the question I was asked wasn't the most important thing that happened that day. I had spent the day with friends and family involved in a Christian rite of passage, in a cathedral where some guests had travelled from far away to attend. I didn't expect anyone to ask about something that seemed like a done deal.
Yes, the word 'religious' is one I never use to describe myself as I said, but why ever not?
Is it John Lennon's fault (no grudge here!)? He who penned the brilliant 'Imagine' song asking people to imagine that there were no differences between us, no threats, etc '...and no religion too' Religion is a cause of division amongst us. Apparently, according to some, it causes more wars than anything else.
I feel fairly sure that John Lennon, in that song, was singing about togetherness, and end to war and promotion of peace. I suppose that I also feel that our desire to belong to a religion isn't exactly a cause for war. I think religion is used as a lousy excuse for aggression. It is a human choice to believe that 'god' wants me to kill you/torture you/force you to do something. In my mind, it has nothing to do with a loving God.
Who was it, not Lennon, that said 'Love one another as I have loved you'?
I don't think He was being polite and general. Was this about togetherness, an end to war and promotion of peace? Well, of course, you know I think that. It's about a brotherhood of man and I think something else...
Anyway, since that was said centuries ago, how is mankind getting on with this comandment? Could the song 'Imagine' be a reaction to our collective failure among the tryers, the dismissive, the distracted, the deliberate and the doubters throughout history? Well, I love John Lennon's song like many other people. He himself at the time declared 'Imagine' to be 'anti-religious, anti-nationalistic, anti-conventional [and] anti-capitalistic'. He seems an archetype rebel and that feels good to me.
So I suppose in declaring myself 'religious' however awkwardly, what am I saying? Who am I in my belief and what should my answer have been?

I had a dream about the up and coming confirmation service. I dreamed that all the candidates were required to lie on marble slabs completely covered with a canvas sheet. Underneath which we were unable to see anything, but were to listen for our cue and slowly sit up at the right moment allowing the canvas to slip to the floor. Then we would get up and walk over to somewhere else in the cathedral. On the day, in my dream, I lay beneath my sheet motionlessly on my slab and could not make out the sounds outside. Panicking that I had missed my cue, I suddenly sat up flinging the sheet off. None of the others were there. They had already left. I had missed my cue, been left behind and now did not know where to go to find everyone else. At that point I awoke with a start.

Of course, in the light of day, my dream seemed ridiculous and I joked about how silly it was. I am aware that I do suffer with anxiety and usually in dreams. Mostly I dream about misplacing or losing L, sometimes about losing my family or G. Yes, anxiety. I get anxious and there it is. It is not at all my friend causing me to worry and engage in stupid, inappropriate and wrong behaviour.

Now I was reluctant to make an early post on my new blog about something so negative, hence the short delay. However, I know that God is trying to tell me something as he urged me to reflect on this.

Today, in our garden, my little L, knowing orange is my favourite colour, urged me to photograph an orange flower that had just blossomed. I first took a hopeless out of focus shot after prematurely clicking the button. I then re-shot and took quite a good picture, with the light and shade making it look quite beautiful, I thought. I nearly deleted the first shot, but stopped because I felt a comparisom. Things don't look beautiful unless you can 'see' them clearly.

I did not know what the 5am confirmation service would be like. I did not know what was ahead or whether I would be able to get up in time that morning! Luckily, we all did have a rehearsal. So we did have a little insight into what would happen. More importantly, N and P and the other candidates would never have left me behind anywhere during the service. When I could see things clearly, my confirmation was an act of love amongst other loving people. The service itself was about 2 hours long, but it was very enjoyable and did not drag. I relaxed and it was a beautiful experience.

I know I am not alone in suffering this negative emotion of anxiety. May God give me patience to wait until all is seen and understood, and not to worry so when all is out of focus.

Dear Bishop Brian,
My name is Sharon Jones. I am 42 and have worked as a nurse for most of my adult life.
I have decided to get confirmed now because I want to shed past resentment. I have found Rochester Cathedral and the people within to be full of compassion and love. I have found a safe place to hear the call to return and go in a new direction.
Sharon Jones

(Confirmation letter of explanation to The Bishop of Tonbridge requested from all new communicants Easter 2010.)

New Blog

Do I have anything of interest to say to anyone? Soon see I guess