I had a dream about the up and coming confirmation service. I dreamed that all the candidates were required to lie on marble slabs completely covered with a canvas sheet. Underneath which we were unable to see anything, but were to listen for our cue and slowly sit up at the right moment allowing the canvas to slip to the floor. Then we would get up and walk over to somewhere else in the cathedral. On the day, in my dream, I lay beneath my sheet motionlessly on my slab and could not make out the sounds outside. Panicking that I had missed my cue, I suddenly sat up flinging the sheet off. None of the others were there. They had already left. I had missed my cue, been left behind and now did not know where to go to find everyone else. At that point I awoke with a start.

Of course, in the light of day, my dream seemed ridiculous and I joked about how silly it was. I am aware that I do suffer with anxiety and usually in dreams. Mostly I dream about misplacing or losing L, sometimes about losing my family or G. Yes, anxiety. I get anxious and there it is. It is not at all my friend causing me to worry and engage in stupid, inappropriate and wrong behaviour.

Now I was reluctant to make an early post on my new blog about something so negative, hence the short delay. However, I know that God is trying to tell me something as he urged me to reflect on this.

Today, in our garden, my little L, knowing orange is my favourite colour, urged me to photograph an orange flower that had just blossomed. I first took a hopeless out of focus shot after prematurely clicking the button. I then re-shot and took quite a good picture, with the light and shade making it look quite beautiful, I thought. I nearly deleted the first shot, but stopped because I felt a comparisom. Things don't look beautiful unless you can 'see' them clearly.

I did not know what the 5am confirmation service would be like. I did not know what was ahead or whether I would be able to get up in time that morning! Luckily, we all did have a rehearsal. So we did have a little insight into what would happen. More importantly, N and P and the other candidates would never have left me behind anywhere during the service. When I could see things clearly, my confirmation was an act of love amongst other loving people. The service itself was about 2 hours long, but it was very enjoyable and did not drag. I relaxed and it was a beautiful experience.

I know I am not alone in suffering this negative emotion of anxiety. May God give me patience to wait until all is seen and understood, and not to worry so when all is out of focus.