The God Particle just chipped my windscreen

What a beautiful balmy day for a drive it was. The sun was so hypnotising, I could barely remember getting into the car! There I was on the motorway driving at quite a speed, when suddenly 'tinkle!' - a sound like coins in a wine glass woke me from my autopilot.
Today the road seemed quiet. In fact very quiet. Despite it being about 3.30pm there was no-one else around on the road at that time. I therefore took the decision to pull over and see whether my car had been damaged somehow.
Feeling both annoyance that my car may have been damaged, and guilt at stopping on the hard shoulder. I checked all around for someone else about or another car that might catch me out or worse crash into me. In fact there was no-one and nobody and no other cars.
As I got out of the vehicle I was aware of a strange whistling sound. It was not like a breeze through a window pane, more like a low flying plane was above. I glanced up expectantly at a cloudless sky. The blue was intense and I felt quite uplifted. However I could see nothing at all that would account for the sound.
Returning to my car, I was dismayed to find a rather large chip dead centre in the windscreen. Surely this was a chip in excess of 25mm! I would need to get a whole new windscreen from a man in a van, sigh.
Growling to myself and scratching my itchy skin, I suddenly was aware of someone behind me. Swivelling abruptly in fear, I saw a figure standing about a metre away.
In an instant I examined his face and expression and within that instant I dismissed any concern regarding being harmed and/or arrested by him.
A strange, er, whatever it was, appeared to be invisibly oozing from his skin, or his head, or was it the balmy sunlight playing tricks on me? Surprise and something close to a feeling of awe, prevented me from speaking. I stood rudely staring and he looked back at me.
At last after rather a long protracted silence from us both, I felt that I should do something and became acutely embarrassed and awkward.
'Hi', I at last offered, attempting to pull myself together and rationalise.
'Hello Sharon' he said with a really stunning smile, and I was floored.
In a sort of gasp and struggling to place the 'adult' me in front of the 'child' me, I attempted to ask how he knew my name. Before I could finish this question, he replied.
'It's written on your necklace'
A smart of discomfort made me blurt out, 'Ha, for a minute there I thought you were Jesus Christ come to visit me today on this deserted motorway, hahahahaha'
How ridiculous I sounded, but this man did not laugh or smile at my forced jollity.
I shut up promptly and wondered whether to remain or run.
'I have something for you' he said mysteriously 'It's very valuable'
I looked with as much confidence as I could muster into his eyes to check perhaps on his degree of sanity, or for any point of reference that may explain what was going on. As he looked back with a sweet amusement and another expression I could not read at all, he started to explain.
'I did throw it to you but it landed on your car and is in real danger of being lost on the tarmac now.'
Walking into the still empty road he picked up a stone of some sort, and brought it over.
' I wanted you to stop and have this'
He held it out on his hand open palmed, as some birds started to sing beautifully nearby. Blimey, it's like the Carpenters song I thought to myself.
He smiled broadly and warmly, as if I was the most fantastic person that he had ever met. Instantly I was very much at ease.
At last I was able to say 'Is it a diamond?'
'No', he replied, 'Something more valuable. You are the only person who has one. Can you take it and use it for anything?'
'I've no idea really. Who are you and why are you giving me something valuable?'
'It is as valuable as you are. I must give this to you so that everyone can have it'
He waited for any further nonsense to escape from my lips, but feeling a lot calmer and happier and quite joyful really I was content to stand and wait for any further information he wanted to offer.
'I regret that you do not know me, but it is not your fault'
Blimey, I thought again, this guy could be Jesus really after all. He and this situation is like a dream state.
'Now we have met like this, I hope you will remember me' he said 'but tell no-one of what has happened today'
Yeah right, I thought to myself. I shan't tell anyone, but I could post it on my blog. Hardly anyone reads that anyway.
Lost in a train of thought I must have glanced away because as suddenly as he was there, he was gone again. I glanced around frantically feeling inexplicably disappointed. He did not tell me his name!
A small box lay on the ground in front of me. I picked it up and inside...

More of a flexible friend than your credit card

In the heavens and the earth there are certainly signs for the believers. And in your creation and all the creatures He has scattered about there are signs for people with certainty.
(Surat al-Jathiyah: 3-4)

Now this reflective blog is more far behind than I had planned. I am reflecting on aspects of late April. This is due to not having time to blog frequently enough and I know I must speed up my posting. I have had a month gap!

So late April, and I was due to see my chiropractor to maintain my spine, as I have no pain or back problems. So why bother for a 15 minute manipulation for £26? I know for myself I value my spine in it's physical context. I have yet to develop my spine in it's emotional context. In fact spiritual backbone is quite an enigmatic concept for me. I was fascinated to read an internet article about finding a suitable partner with 'backbone' (and integrity).

"The man with backbone will find ways to solve difficult problems and not walk away from them or take an easier route. He'll treat the women in his life not as sexual objects but as fellow human beings who God loves and cares for. He will not try to dominate conversations with others but rather allow room for others' opinions even if he disagrees. He will be diligent in his spiritual disciplines such as Bible study and prayer, and his faith would be an important part of his dating relationships."

Well, I had to smile, that is just a bit of it. It also goes on to paint a picture of an ideal partner or person to look for. This blueprint of an ideal man with spiritual backbone is just fascinating for me. I don't think I actually agree with some of the components of a good Christian as described because he sounds a bit inflexible for a spine. However, if God is telling me to reflect on backbone in lieu of developing it for myself, then I ought to be open to what it may be.

I also found out that Susan Boyle said that Faith ‘is the backbone of who I am’. No point in thinking I am cleverer than someone with learning difficulties here. It looks as if the concept of backbone is known and lived by her. She uttered these words when interviewed about her life, which has been a hard and touching journey culminating in her success on the Britain's Got Talent Show with her subsequent fame and popularity. The songs that she covers are haunting really and display a wisdom in her singing for which there are no words to explain.

Spiritual or emotional backbone must be then both a standard to reach for, and a knowledge of the heart from faith. Can one have spiritual backbone without faith? I am still pondering that. I hope that developing some spiritual backbone will strengthen me. The process of manipulation makes me wince and feel afraid, but afterwards life is GOOD!

Deus caritas est

I learnt something recently that made a lot of difference to my whole perspective on life. The word 'charity' has in fact two real meaningful meanings!
In a modern context it refers to benevolent giving and is used as a noun and verb to express this.
However, charity is also one of the 'seven heavenly virtues' which are the righteous alternatives to the 'seven deadly sins'. Should I have been a nineteenth century maiden I would have known all about it, but as God chose to make me in the here and now I have just realised.
Charity represents loving-kindness in the Christian theological sense. It is the agape of the eros - philos - agape triangle. I had agape down as 'God's love' but thought this was like God loves you as a fact without the 'how'! This 'Charity' refers to the ultimate perfection of the human spirit, as it both glorifies and reflects God's nature. It is selfless and alturistic.

One can be forgiven for mistaking the word love as having multiple meanings and contexts in the English language. So to be clear the 'love' to which I am referring is the selfless love which is infused into you from God. This used to be called 'charity' in the past.

This type of love curls around your will and guides it. It is the non-messy doing and being. It is the expression of God's love to another man whether friend or enemy.

Take the phrase 'God is love' or in Latin 'Deus Caritas est'. This is the love that represents God's care. Caritas is best translated as charity: alturistic love.

I have been privileged as a nurse to meet many alturistic people. I work as a research nurse and have to enrol patients onto clinical trials. More often that not, the trials cannot offer or cannot guarantee to offer any personal benefit to the participant. However, they are a small part of a bigger picture. Participation leads to greater knowledge on a certain subject or problem which will be information to benefit future generations. Many willing volunteers into clinical trials suffer extra uncomfortable procedures in addition to the illness they are being treated for as a result of taking part. Don't get me wrong, all the research performed in the NHS is strictly controlled by ethical criteria. It's my job to protect patients as well as enrol them. I am always impressed by the person who volunteers willingly despite their own pain and suffering. For every person that does however, there are also those who decline 'I'm not interested', 'I can't be bothered with that'

When I worked with melanoma patients in my previous job, many patients were more than willing to donate their skin. This required small amounts of skin being surgically excised - an extra and uncomfortable process. You may not know that melanoma is a cancer agressive and fast acting, and tends to be underestimated. Many of the patients donated small pieces of their skin on several occasions to help solve the killer riddle. As yet we have no cure for this type of skin cancer, but I know that at Guy's and St Thomas' they are pulling out all the stops to work out how. I know how much the scientists and patients are trying to work it out. Both are up and down in many different ways, but will travel along this road with determination and...love, that charitable love I'm trying to explain.

In chapter 13 of 1 Corinthians, in the King James version it says;

'Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.'

In the New International version it replaces the word charity with the word love. I have for a long time considered that this was a reflection of how love was to be. To understand the word charity in the theological context like this helps me understand more about the how than the what and of what God's love actually is. I am indeed grateful for this revelation.

Spring Meditation - Conclusion

It happened softly...bump, I was there finally at the sea bed at just over four miles below sea level. Amazing. Despite shaking I was full of sickening wonder. My caplight seemed to be dimming as I peered around about me. The drones were vague blobs of darkness against the backdrop. None seemed near. I was here, in this strange place where few had ventured. I was here by myself.




Well, now I was finally in this place, I thought that I should sit down. The sea floor was much harder than I anticipated and the lack of mud and silt was surprising. I thought to myself that it was like soft rock. And so I sat.
It was almost immediately that I noticed something that I could hardly make out. What was that in the near distance about 9 metres in front of me?

I thought for a moment that I could see movement, but then, no not movement but familiar shapes instead. Shapes of...human bodies...in a pile? I glanced about for my drones. They were nowhere near, in fact I could not see them. This pile of bodies in front of me, it could not be drones because these beings had hair and faces and pale flesh reflecting in the unnatural glow of my caplight.

I stood, unsure, yet captivated, and ambled unsteadily toward what I saw. As I drew nearer I noticed the bodies looked muscular and bulky. It was inexplicable that in such an undersea pressure these bodies were not crushed or affected in any way. Confusion and disorientation suddenly overwhelmed me and I cried out in my tomblike headpiece. The only person hearing this inhuman sounding screech was human me.



I was unable to move further and remained rooted to the spot just 1 metre in front of this impossible vision. My scalp prickled as a face of a body lying on top turned to look at me. He rose up quickly and stood or stooped in front of me. I saw him there looking at me with an expression of agression. Then, equally as bizarrely I heard him speak and saw him move his lips.

'he took the flesh and left our souls, because without our flesh we were diminished and buried'

Unable to make any sense whatsoever of these words or this situation, I was highly alarmed to see the other bodies slowly rising. Their hair and clothing flapped in slow motion with the unseen undersea currents.

I involuntarily backed up although gloom seemed to be around me at all sides. I saw nothing save the bodies standing or stooping purposefully in front of me.

It was only then that I noticed these walking, floating corpses had numbers on their clothing. Like big numerials on t-shirts and figures on the thighs of the trousers.

I think in my terror that I may have half screamed my plea 'God help me', which hurt my own ears. 'Help me, help me, help me'

I began to long to be at home safe in my cabin and cushioned safely into my breathing space. I closed my eyes and imagined it.

When I opened them again something was different. The bodies had their hands outstretched crying soundlessly out the same words 'God help me...help me, help me, help me' A look of anxious agression wracked every face. The silence belied the action causing me to wonder yet again what was happening.

Then, as if nothing more strange could then occur, a golden glow began pervading the scene in front of me. The glow started with them, but continued outwards, outwards and I looked out around at it as it surrounded them and I.

All at once, the light flickered and what I can only describe as twinkled or sparkled.

It was quite beautiful and I felt lost and surrounded by it. I was soon reminded of how far I was from anyone though when my phenosuit commenced an emergency bleeping. I looked at the display to note with greater alarm that the air remaining was insufficient to continue life.

It took me a few moments only to acknowledge my impending death. I would in fact never return to the surface to recount this experience to a living soul. However, despite this awareness I felt light and untroubled. My vision clouded and as my last minutes ticked by I felt the pressure increasing and starting to crush my body. I was relieved to finally slip from consciousness just prior to feeling any pain.

This was the start of my calling which I had waited all my life for.

Spring Meditation - late April

It's my 70th birthday and today I am deep sea diving to 4 miles. As I climb into my new phenosuit, I reflect on how amazing things are these days; trip to the sun, teleportation and volcanic power cells - all science fiction to me not so long ago.
As I jump into the icy water I have no visibilty into the depth of water. One last gasp of atmostpheric air and I commence the submergence. My suit is working perfectly and I am unafraid really as the caplight ignites for me. Visibility is still reduced, it will take some time for my surroundings to emerge, well I hope so anyway.
Down I go, down, down.




Still nothing to see really. I have been sinking now for...how long? My dive buddies are all mechanical today so no fellow human being to share this experience with. Still, it is probably safer to dive with the seadevil drones anyway.
How far can I see now? I reckon visibility is about 2 metres now. I am at..tap tap... 2.5 miles down apparently. It has been about 2 and a half hours to get here? I am feeling slightly cold, perhaps my suit is not working. I had better get a drone to check it.
I gesture to the nearest green buddy...but, what's this? I gesture again, no reply or response? That's odd, I can see him, why can't he see me? I try again...still no response. I'm sure he is looking my way.



A small shard of panic creeps in. I do feel cold now, and start to either shiver or tremble. The thought that things may go badly makes me consider aborting my adventure and ascending back up. If those drones are going to ignore me I will have to ascend on my own which could be dangerous in itself.
Just as I am considering my situation, a purple drone turns and check-gestures my position. I quickly wave in a 'help' way and three of them approach in the gloom. Thank goodness for that. I am able to communicate my predicament and purple clicks my suit. Warmth starts to return. However, a strange chill which has nothing to do with temperature seems to remain.

It has been 3 hours and 55 minutes and so we are nearly the full 4 miles down. Soon I will see the ocean floor of the great north sea. I can't seem to stop shaking, which means that my experience is not as enjoyable as it could be. The drones have gestured that there is no suit malfunction so it is just me, the human, feeling fear perhaps. This fear is very strange though. I'm not used to having this sensation.

Healing and self esteem issues

I came across this article online as drawn by the Lord, and have spent a lot of time pondering suffering, healing and self esteem.

Link address is:

http://www.depression-and-anxiety-recovery.com/low_self_esteem.html

I know that this is something crucial in understanding how to reach people. May be in some ways I have done this many times in my job. I can see myself walking toward this as a calling. As some things come into focus, other things strike me blind. I am still thinking this over but wanted to make a post in case anyone out there has greater wisdom. Quite likely! Will there be anyone reading this tho?

Method of Convocation?

Did I happen to sound jaded about group altar calls? Shame on me. The Lord has drawn me to a real life story that brought a smile to my face.
Last Easter, when I was busy being confirmed, the Bay Area Fellowship in Corpus Christi, Texas, United States were giving away prizes in a bid to boost congregation numbers. The prizes were 16 free cars and millions of pounds worth of other prizes, like bicycles, laptop computors and vouchers for a chiropractic exam, baseball tickets, gym membership and a stay for the dog at a dog hotel.
The church normally has a weekly attendance of 7,000, but the well advertised service drew in 23,500 attendees on Easter Day. (Must be a big place) During the service the gifts were given out to lucky winners chosen at random in the congregation.
Naturally this method of boosting the numbers attracted criticism and condemnation. Especially after the enterprise gained widespread media attention.
Bay Area Lead Pastor Bill Cornelius defended this practice by claiming the prizes were a metaphor for getting into heaven. 'I want to make sure you get the ultimate giveaway' he said to the crowd 'a ticket to heaven. We have some really nice stuff to give away. But I hate to break it to you - none of this is going to last. Heaven is forever.'
The church claimed that hundreds of people took Jesus into their heart that day. The only thing they could 'really take with them.'

I have pondered this method for some time and have marvelled at the quantity and cost of the items collected to give away. All gifts came from the congregation. Cornelius said 'I'm very proud of our people for being so incredibly generous and willing to do anything it takes to get spiritually lost people through the door to hear about the love of God'

Well, I found it easy to think how crazy America can be, but also how bold and outrageous a scheme is that? Could Rochester Cathedral undertake such a plan?
How also do we know this was a holy spirit driven exercise and not one to embrace consumerism and materialism? Well, firstly, they seemed to collect an unfeasible amount of prizes. Secondly the church is 12 years old in Bay Area. They began with 5 people. Something genuine seems to be happening, notwithstanding the fact that I feel The Lord Himself is showing me this.

Lastly, that group of outcasts called materialistic consumers is one group of sinners that I belong to myself. Many of us do, don't we. Have I sold my house and assets and given everything to the church? Er, no, not yet!
How many people attend church on a Sunday and how many go to Bluewater shopping centre? How do we get the shoppers to hear the Good News? An ultimate giveaway has to be better than a bargain. How may these people be reached if not in this unconventional way.